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The
moment I saw him, I wanted him. Badly. He'd just arrived at
the facility, and was busy introducing himself. People seemed
glad to make his acquaintance; Baxter - our resident Brazilian
jiu-jitsu instructor - slapped him on the back, and head honcho
Milton kept shaking his hand like it was the lever on some
human slot machine.
Looking at the suit and tie, I suppose I took him to be one
of the trainers.
Which
he was, in a way.
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I've always been
curious, so I snuck another look across the room at him during dinner.
He was deep in conversation with the other tutors, all of them on
hand to watch over us during this, the final part of our induction
training for that most secret of secret services - CI5. He was muscular,
but not muscle-bound, with remarkable eyes that seemed to change from
brown to black depending on whether he was listening or speaking.
His dark hair was short, but not too short; his wide smile was white,
but not blinding; his posture was straight, but not rigid.
He was a
man of happy mediums, and I liked him all the more because of it.
I shook my head in a stalwart attempt to dislodge my growing preoccupation,
and dragged my attention back to British cooking, which was - and
still is - worthy of most of the insults I'd ever heard about it.
This was stupid, I told myself. I hadn't fought my way through months
of trying to join this squad just to start looking at a man again
now. Hadn't done that for - hell - eight years. I'd had a relationship
with one guy and one guy only, and I'd been sure that side of me had
died a natural death after I met Amanda. But now I was thinking about
it all over again, and remembering how good it had been sometimes.
Irritated suddenly, I turned pointedly away from the subject of my
scrutiny, and applied myself to joining in conversation with the others
at the table.
There were eight of us - out of an original thirteen - who would be
here for the last two weeks of induction. We all knew that CI5 was
a tough place to get into, and that we wouldn't all automatically
make it to the final pairing-up operation that signaled acceptance.
This was definitely not the moment to fool around. Not the time to
become infatuated.
Not the place
to fall in love.
When I saw the newcomer out on the mat the following day, I was
confused to see him doing some pretty light training - no combat,
just drills - while the rest of us were being decimated by coach
Baxter's over-enthusiastic assistant.
What was up
with the guy? Injury, or merely a desire for preferential treatment?
Baxter himself
supervised the stranger for a while, before taking time out to come
stomp on us instead. I concentrated on remaining relatively whole
and not incurring his wrath - successfully, since I'm good at martial
arts stuff, particularly Brazilian jiu-jitsu. It caught on so much
faster in the States then it ever did here in the UK, so I'd had
plenty of time to roll around, make mistakes, learn from them. The
other guys hadn't been quite so lucky, and it showed big-time.
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Between
all the upas and kimuras, montadas and americanas, I found
myself glancing across the gym, watching the dark and handsome
stranger's powerful physique at work, and once again wondering
why he wasn't training with us.
'Enough with drilling already. Let's see a little action over
here.'
It was the over-enthusiastic assistant, Marlow, talking louder
than he needed to. He always did it, and I always wondered
why. I even thought he might be hard of hearing at one point
until someone leaked his psych tests, the ones that revealed
his ingrained inferiority complex - and concomitant desire
to keep it under wraps.
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k |
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What
is it they say? Big fear equals big mouth; it's as simple as that.
I really should have guessed as much...
'No, thanks,' said the new guy now. His tone was quiet, but his
eyes were dark, forbidding.
Marlow paid
no attention. 'You need to work on your guard. Your submissions
are weak -'
'I was practicing sweeps -'
'Your submissions
are weak,' repeated Marlow, and this time I really did wonder if
he was deaf. He laid a heavy hand on the shoulder of Stéphane,
the French guy in the stranger's guard. 'If this had been a real
assailant, you'd be dead by now.'
'He's
not a real assailant. He's my training partner. If you can't understand
the difference between -'
The heavy hand
twitched; pushed Stéphane to the side. 'Just shut up and
roll, pretty boy.'
It was those
last two words that sealed Marlow's fate; of that I have no doubt.
The eyes of the stranger had turned to obsidian, hard and black
and deathly cold. He lay back on the mat, his hands behind his head,
large feet spread wide apart, long legs open and defenseless.
'Take me,' he
said.
Marlow attacked,
falling into his guard like a man possessed. By this time, the combatants'
tense exchange had drawn an audience, everyone stopping to watch,
to speculate - and to bet on the outcome, discreetly or otherwise.
I kept expecting Baxter to step in, break things up, bawl us all
out for stalling during class. It
didn't happen. The man kept his distance. He
was hooked, just like the rest of us, realizing that the outcome
could make or break the new guy's status.
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d |
The battle
was fierce and, for me, uncomfortably arousing. I tried not
to focus on the stranger's chest as his jacket came open;
I tried not to stare when he pulled Marlow's head down onto
it, next to his nipple; I did everything I could to ignore
the noises they made, their rough grunts and groans
as they tussled for dominance, for mastery of the other's
body.
When it's just me and another guy fighting, containing my
carnal urges is easy; far too much is going on for me to entertain
any thoughts other than those related to scoring points or
gaining a quick submission. I can keep my libido in check.
I can stay the need not just to mount, but to screw.
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My libido was
not in check anymore; watching them grapple was too much like pornography.
Within minutes I was fully erect, my hard-on pressing insistently
against the fabric of my gi pants, mercifully disguised by the skirt
of my kimono.
By way of distraction,
I attempted to focus, not on the warring opponents, but on their
techniques - anything to lessen the aching in my balls, the bloodrush
to my swollen member. Marlow was still caught in the guard, his
hips thrust hard against his adversary's as he attempted a cross
choke, his right arm snaking forward, but reaching too far, stretching
too much -
The newcomer
caught the invading arm amd pulled it towards him, bringing Marlow's
hot, panting mouth so close to his own that the two seemed on the
verge of kissing. Marlow twisted violently away, clearly aware of
how close he was to being shoulder locked. But it was the wrong
way, and the stranger had his back in moments, both hooks in.
He wasted no time in going for the choke.
Marlow's blue eyes went wide with fear. He tried to wriggle out
of danger, but there was nowhere for him to go; the stranger had
him utterly immobilised, his substantial forearm pressed fast against
the soft yielding tissue of Marlow's throat, both feet planted firmly
in his captive's groin, sliding provocatively over his genitals:
once, twice, three times...
The larger man
made a sound I'd never heard before, something between total bliss
and abject humilatiation. He bridged upwards, groaning, and suddenly
all I wanted was to be him, to feel what he was feeling, to make
the noises he was making, to be caught and free and trapped and
safe all at once.
As if to acknowledge my unspoken thoughts, the newcomer smiled,
tightening his grip still further. 'That's
it,' I heard him whisper. 'That's right. Don't try to fight it.
Don't try to struggle. Just sleep. Sleep...'
Marlow's eyes
squeezed shut; he tapped, provoking a collective cheer me and the
other guys. We'd all of us run into Marlow's bad side at one time
or another, we'd all of us wanted to do what the newcomer was doing
right now - deal out a little justice, even up the score a bit.
The tables were
turned, and it made us feel good. Really
good.
Marlow tapped
again, more urgently, his right hand beating out an insistent rhythm
on his antagonist's upper thigh.
'That's enough,'
said Baxter, moving towards them. 'I think you've more than proven
your point. Let him go -'
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The stranger
nodded. Smiled beatifically, the smile of an angel, of a devil.
And kept
right on going.
The next
couple of minutes are kind of a blur. Marlow yelped, puppy
fashion, then collapsed in the newcomer's embrace, his large
body limp, his head sinking slowly against the other man's
chest. Seeing him like that, so totally submissive, so utterly
helpless, pushed my arousal level past the point of endurance.
I shuddered, feeling precum spurt into my gi pants. Baxter
rushed forwards, yanking the unconscious assistant away from
his opponent, simultaneously dispensing first aid and vitriol
in equal measure.
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k |
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The rest of
the group closed in around them, unwilling to see their entertainment
end so soon. Aware of the growing damp patch at the front of my
BJJ trousers, I saw an opportunity to make my exit and took it,
heading for the changing area and the welcome, evidence erasing
utility of the showers.
What it wouldn't
erase, though, what it couldn't erase, was the fleeting expression
I caught on the newcomer's face as I made my way past him where
he sat on the mat, inches away from a groggy, just-resuscitated
Marlow.
It was pleasure. Sheer pleasure.
Come lunch, the mystery of the stranger's identity was finally solved,
and proved to be a whole lot more interesting than the meal: grayish
roasted meat of unknown origin, potatoes that were not mashed for
once but simply tasteless, and a similarly unidentifiable green
vegetable. The Brits on the course ploughed their way through it.
Stéphane, the French guy, rolled his eyes as he always did,
and I found myself laughing.
'Think of it as part of the survival training,' I told him. 'If
you can take this, live ants'll be a cinch.'
The others didn't particularly like my sense of humor, so I decided
to change the subject, waving my fork towards the table where the
newcomer was sitting, still sexy, still intoxicating, still infuriating,
still perfect.
'Who's he?'
Stéphane shook his head. 'Monsieur Choke-Choke? I don't know.
Some guy who's getting over an injury, I think.'
'He didn't act
very injured this morning. Why's he here?'
'To help us
on the paperwork before he gets fit and goes back into the field.
Ex-MI6, apparently. Mandella or something.'
'Mondello? Curtis Mondello?' Donnelly, without a doubt the quietest
of the group, looked up. 'Heard of him.'
This was logical,
because Donnelly's ex-MI6 as well. I probed a little further, hungry
still for more information.
'Know him, do
you?'
'Nah. Just vaguely heard he'd joined CI5. He was in Berlin and Bosnia,
and I was in the Middle East.'
Well, that was
my curiosity sated. I decided to leave it at that, determined to
ignore the magnetic, mesmeric effect the new guy was having on me,
vowing not to let myself get sucked in, committed to staying away
from temptation.
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d |
What didn't
help was the fact I started to like Curtis the moment we came
into contact. I wasn't the world's greatest expert on intelligence
analysis, and I'm still not, as I've always been more in the
front line of things. But he made it interesting. Curtis was
a fascinating guy, and talked about intelligence sensibly.
I liked picking his brains, and he seemed happy to let me.
Now and again, we'd sit together at one of the mealtime food-torture
sessions and wrangle over a problem. I started to look forward
to seeing the glint of amusement in the brown-black eyes when
I made an absolute balls of something. Or the approval when
I - once in a while - got something right.
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We never discussed
what had happened with Marlow; something told me that the subject
was out of bounds. Besides, I was still trying to rid myself of
the image of the two of them in each other's arms, antipathy like
passion flowing red hot between them, the sweat on their bodies
anointing their unholy union, and then the conquest, Marlow sleeping
soundly in the marriage bed of Curtis' lap, swathed in white cotton
and the scent of his musk -
The problem was, I also started to be increasingly aware that I
was watching him and admiring him. He had an easy grace, and I'd
been seeing him slowly get fitter, day by day. Hell, the man was
attractive. More than that, I wanted him.
But I didn't like men. Not any more.
The two weeks of induction disappeared fast, and the end was approaching.
We were all nervous, including the constantly laid-back Stéphane.
At first, he'd been happy to go for a drink and some more or less
acceptable bar food in the next village once or twice, but had now
decided to stay in his room during the evenings and sweat blood
over the intricacies of world anti-terrorist forces.
I was pretty well up on that, although the SEALS don't see it quite
in the same hierarchical order as the Brits. But then I'm adaptable.
We're Colonials, they're the center of the earth, and once you've
got that figured, you're fine.
Frustrated and irritated with the latest apology for an evening
meal, and reluctant to tramp down two miles of country lanes for
warm beer alone, I decided to be the model student and go over the
case reports for the following day.
'Hi, Keel. Still at it?'
I looked up and saw him in loose-fitting jiu-jitsu trousers, hair
tousled, torso bare, and had to swallow.
'Yeah. But getting there.' He had a scar, I noticed. It was angry,
recent looking, and located next to his heart, just under the breastbone.
Must be the famous injury, I surmised. 'Isn't a little late for
rolling?'
He grinned. 'Of course. But gi pants make for good pajamas. Got
much work left?'
'Too much. Paper
pushing isn't my thing.'
'Uh-huh. Takes
time. I feel a bit like that about Baxter's extremely novel approach
to grappling - learn or die trying.'
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'You look
like you're doing okay,' I said stupidly, thus giving away
the fact I'd been monitoring the progress of his recovery.
Luckily, he seemed to take it as astute observation or something,
as he didn't look shocked.
'I am. Should be back in the field once I'm finished with
you lot and seen you head off into the sunset with the CI5
tattoo on your asses.'
'That rather depends on whether I make it.'
'You'll make it,' he said quietly. I waited for him to elaborate.
He didn't. Instead, he changed subject. 'You're with SEALS,
right?'
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'Uh-huh.' Now
it was my turn to elaborate, but my mind had gone blank, lust and
nervousness finally getting the better of me, making my heart race,
my cock pulse, my balls ache. I wanted him so badly, but I couldn't
say it, shouldn't say it. Because he might reject me, and then -
Curtis frowned, half-turned to go. 'Well, I'll leave you to it then.'
'Sure.' I was disappointed, and hoped he couldn't see it, then told
myself not to be so goddamned stupid. This guy was bound to be as
straight as I'd thought I was until ten days previously.
Before he left, though, he bent over the desk to look at what I
was doing. His body smelled of some sort of spicy deodorant or something,
and it sparked off an immediate reaction - one that I squashed mercilessly.
He straightened, and put a hand on my shoulder. That just made things
worse. I think I probably flinched, because it didn't last more
than a second. Then he suggested I get some sleep, and disappeared.
Sleep? He had to be joking. I wanted the CI5 tattoo, or whatever
indelible stamp Malone was going to make on my future. It was just
that I wanted Curtis, too. I lay in bed and imagined him, naked
but for those baggy white BJJ trousers, holding me, pinning me,
locking me, choking me, just as he had Marlow; the more I tried
to put it out of my mind, the more vivid the images became. In the
end there was only one solution, but even as I felt the climax shake
me I could still smell him, still see those dark eyes looking at
me.
Oh, hell.
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