Gay Judo & Homoerotic BJJ Problems Solved

Say g'day to the Internet's very first (and, let's face it, only) gay Brazilian jiu-jitsu and judo Agony Uncle!
Whatever your dilemma, from BJJ blue balls to uchikomi erections, Aaron Gray takes a manfully hands-on approach—you can be sure he'll completely exhaust himself in pursuit of your sexual satisfaction. (Oops, that came out wrong...)

Scroll to the FAQ to find out how to contact Australia's answer to Dr Phil. No promises he'll be able to address every query, or always hit on the perfect solution, but if it's plain common sense you need, you've come to the right guy; someone who can really help you grapple with the issues and hopefully—uh—end up on top. (Damn: Did it again

'How Do I Stop My Bulging BJJ Boners?'

Sometimes when rolling with other men it gets really hard to keep from, well, getting really hard—especially if I haven't had a chance to masturbate or enjoy any 'moonlight encounters' at my favorite gay bar recently. When it happens—and it happens quite a bit, normally when I'm in a hot stud's guard—I pretend that I have cramps, and run to the bathroom while doubled over and clutching my stomach. This helps hide the erection and allows me, if necessary, to ‘rub one out’ once I make it to the safety of the stalls. Getting an erection while training petrifies me, because nobody knows that I'm gay...

(Click here to read the rest of this letter and Aaron's reply, or here to view the full BJJ problems archive.)

Previous Query: 'How Old Is Too Old to Pick Up Judo?'

I have admired judo from afar, but now I'm thinking of signing up for classes. It looks like a good way to get exercise and help stay in shape. Plus, I think that yoko-shiho-gatame is homoerotic to the max; I'm dying for some cute guy to put me in that hold! However, I just turned 36 years old. Am I too old? How old is too old to pick up judo?

(Click here to read the rest of this letter and Aaron's reply, or here to view the full judo problems archive.)

Frequently Asked Questions

The questions below are the ones I'm asked most often. But they don't cover everything, so if you've got a problem I haven't addressed already, why not take a minute to get in touch and tell me all about your troubles!

Please be aware that all the queries I respond to are published here for the benefit of other gay grapplers—anonymously, of course...


Is it just me, or are Brazilian jiu-jitsu and judo inherently 'gay' sports? 

Yes and no. Yes because few other sports (apart from wrestling) can equal their homoerotic components: sexually suggestive strangles, locks, and pinning techniques; no because the appeal of these components is totally lost on heterosexual grapplers.

Yes because these disciplines invariably provoke strong responses among spectators—gay guys get hard, straight guys get uneasy; no because exceptions to this rule exist on both sides of the sexual divide.

Yes because it's thought that there are more homosexuals in BJJ and judo than are present in other sports (again, excluding wrestling); no because this theory has not yet been confirmed with hard (excuse the pun) scientific data.

In essence, grappling is what you make of it—a hedonistic, homoerotic adventure, or a simple sport like any other. MatBattle chooses to think gay but, hey, that's why we're here!

I'd like to join a club, but... what if I get a hard-on during training?  

You've obviously never stepped on the mat before. Grappling is tough, mate—both mentally and physically. Arousal almost never occurs when training in a competitive, predominately straight environment; your mind stays on the game, not the guys.

But what if your hormones prove stronger than your resolve? What if you stand to attention whilst lying horizontal? Help is here.

Should I come out to my team mates? 

Not all at once! If things go bad, you will have condemned yourself to always be the outcast, the punchline of every joke, the victim of every locker room 'prank'. Homosexuality is just as much a social taboo now as ever, especially among straight guys, and most of all among straight guys who grapple. Check out this discussion at Bullshido's mixed martial arts forums or this inflamatory thread at Google Group's rec.martial-arts for some typical responses to the perceived 'threat' posed by gay BJJers and judoka: paranoia, fear, ridicule and more.

But relax—things aren't as bad as they seem; not everyone's a homophobe, you know. Make friends with your team mates on an individual basis—find out who they are, what they're about, why they think the way they do. You'll almost certainly grow pretty close to one of them, maybe two or three. When this happens, and when you feel prepared for the repercussions of your announcement (good and bad), take one of them aside and break the news to them. Reassure them that you don't expect anything from them, that you don't question their sexuality, that this isn't an attempt to 'recruit' them.

If you've chosen the right kind of person, and told them in a gentle, non-scary way, then they should be fine, and it will provide you with the confidence you need to tell the next guy, and the next. More details on if and how to come out are available over here.

Where can I find other gay guys to grapple with? 

All over the place, really. You should start by swinging on by our Personals Zone; it's loaded with posts from other judoka and BJJers just like you—hot, horny, and ready to roll! You can even add your own, totally confidential ad here, free of charge.

The MatBattle Open Forum is also worth a look, although you'll need to contribute something to the community to get noticed...